Skinny Boy Vs. the World
To celebrate the release of the Karate Kid Collection on DVD, I had to watch this puppy again, and figured I would take you along for the ride.
- Immediately after arriving at his new apartment building in California, Daniel meets a friend by kicking a door into his face. Great start to the relationship. The kid invites Daniel to a beach party, and our hero accepts. Apparently he didn't notice that the kid was wearing a shirt with two pigs having sex. Seriously, it says "Makin' Bacon" and has two pigs doin' it doggy style. Just like Grandma always said, never trust a kid wearing a farm animal fornication t-shirt.
- Daniel begins to woo Alli with an I by bouncing a soccer ball on his knee. That should be every campaign the sport ever uses to try and get new fans. THIS kid got THIS girl to talk to him by using soccer. Tickets can be purchased at tickemaster outlets.
- "Take a right, check it out" - most underrated line of the movie. And it was said by Tommy. Or Bobby. They may be the same guy, I'll have to check the credits.
- Daniel's first fight. Doesn't part of you think Makin' Bacon should have just grabbed Daniel and said, "Dude, just let him have the boom box". Nope, just watches him get beat down and leaves him lying in the sand. Come to think of it, I'm not sure I would want to be friends with someone who's first instinct is to attack a guy he doesn't know with a Kobra Kai jacket and a headband. Especially when that guy has been the bad guy in every movie from 1983-1986. It's time to talk about how much everybody should love Billy Zabka. I mean look at the resume - Johnny Lawrence, Greg Tolan, Chas from Back to School. Even the guy that played Teddy Beckerstead in One Crazy Summer wanted to be him.
- Next morning, Daniel borrows Goose's sunglasses in an attempt to hide the biggest black eye since Mitch "Blood" Green met up with Tyson on a street corner. Once again, some guys shouldn't pick fights.
- Daniel's second fight - soccer tryouts. He gets tripped and first instinct is to attack Bobby. Maybe he should cut down on the Red Bull.
- STRIKE FIRST, STRIKE HARD, NO MERCY SIR!!! Who wouldn't want their kid to be a Kobra Kai? Which brings us to ...
Top 5 Shouted Lines of the movie
5. I GOTTA TAKE KARATE, THAT'S IT!!!
4. DANIEL-SAN, YOU ALL WET BEHIND EAR!!! AHHHAHAHAHAH!!!
3. GET HIM A BODY BAG!!! HOOHOOHOOHOOHOO!!!
2. HERE, ON THE STREET, IN COMPETITION, A MAN CONFRONTS YOU HE IS THE ENEMY, AN ENEMY DESERVES NO MERCY WHAT IS THE PROBLEM MR.LAWRENCE?!?
1. Daniel LaRusso's gonna fight? DANIEL LaRUSSO'S GONNA FIGHT!!!
- Greatest Halloween costume ever. Seriously, I always wanted to get an old Chargers jersey, a shower costume, and have five guys in skeleton costumes chase me through the ped mall every 15 minutes or so. Performance art at its best.
- So while Johnny is in the can rolling a joint (reinforcing that he is the bad guy), Daniel grabs a conveniently placed hose and douses him with water. Seriously, what is this kid's problem? Does he know he hasn't sprouted leg hair yet? He's been beaten up multiple times and thrown down a hill, yet he still antagonizes Johnny and the boys every chance he gets. I'm starting to think that he deserves to get his ass kicked.
-Daniel-san and Miyagi come to the Kobra Kai dojo just in time to see Bobby beat the straight out of LaMar from Revenge of the Nerds. Don't you just love watching a movie from back in the day and recognizing obscure guys like LaMar in bit parts. Nothing gets me more excited. Which explains a lot about me.
-Now that the challenge is dropped, Daniel-san begins learning karate by doing household chores. My mom used that logic on me all the time after I saw the movie. Didn't work as well as it did for Daniel-san.
-Next up, after meeting the two whitest parents in the world, we come to the falling in love montage. Amazing, especially after they were driven to the date by Mama LaRusso in a pea green station wagon. Nothing impresses a rich girl like a car you have to push to start.
-I'm starting to get a little creeped out by the way Pat Morita keeps talking about Elizabeth Shue on the commentary. Really throwing off the old Asian perv vibe.
-So, after waxing a few cars, sanding a deck and a panload of painting, Daniel-san has had it. He's going home. Then Miyagi attempts to punch him in the face, but the Wax-On motion blocks it and everybody in the audience says "Oh NOW I get it - he was teaching him all along." Daniel-san just stands there with the befuddled, bewildered look on his face. (which is one of the two face he has, the other being the sly half-smile/smirk)
-Montage 2 - the training
-Skipping past the "relationship building" scenes and oh so subtle foreshadowing ("What is Mr. Miyagi doing on those stumps?") we get to the tournament.
-Kobra Kai corner Daniel-san in the lockerroom, and we get to see Dutch's time to shine. Nice Johnny could let him have this moment.
-Montage 3 - You're the best... AROOOOUND!!! Daniel-san winning, Bobby freaking out, Johnny kicking ass, LaMar getting beat, Sensei crossing his arms, the big fat Kobra Kai losing...
-Daniel-san vs. Tommy - tied 2-2, a punch to the sternum ends Tommy's night and he looks like he is going to cry. I would too if trained my butt off and lost to a 28-year old without pubes.
-Daniel-san vs. Dutch - immediately nails Daniel-san with a kick to the face. Then loses. They needed to give Dutch more credit here. It's Steve McQueen's kid for crap's sake.
-Johnny vs. Jackie Chan - Johnny routes the stunt coordinator, and we get to hear the first HOOHOOHOOHOOHOO!!! from Tommy.
-Daniel-san vs. Bobby- Sensei tells Bobby to take out Daniel-san. Why? As your teacher, would you not expect both Bobby and Johnny to waste that kid?
-Bobby is disqualified for "excessive and deliberate contact to the knee"
-Miyagi rubs his hands together and heals a torn ACL. Coach Ferentz could have really used this guy last fall.
-DANIEL LaRUSSO'S GONNA FIGHT!!!
-Daniel-san vs. Johnny - with the scored tied 2-2, Johnny punches Daniel-san square in the face but is not given a point. This is not explained. I think Zabka wanted one more shot before it was over.
-The Crane Kick - most memorable move ever. "When done right, no can defense". You gotta wonder what Johnny was thinking at the time. "Hmm, haven't seen this one before - maybe if I just run at him with my chin stuck out"
-Pandemonium. Daniel-san is going to Disneyland. All I wanted to do was meet a Japanese man that would teach me karate. Never happened.
- Immediately after arriving at his new apartment building in California, Daniel meets a friend by kicking a door into his face. Great start to the relationship. The kid invites Daniel to a beach party, and our hero accepts. Apparently he didn't notice that the kid was wearing a shirt with two pigs having sex. Seriously, it says "Makin' Bacon" and has two pigs doin' it doggy style. Just like Grandma always said, never trust a kid wearing a farm animal fornication t-shirt.
- Daniel begins to woo Alli with an I by bouncing a soccer ball on his knee. That should be every campaign the sport ever uses to try and get new fans. THIS kid got THIS girl to talk to him by using soccer. Tickets can be purchased at tickemaster outlets.
- "Take a right, check it out" - most underrated line of the movie. And it was said by Tommy. Or Bobby. They may be the same guy, I'll have to check the credits.
- Daniel's first fight. Doesn't part of you think Makin' Bacon should have just grabbed Daniel and said, "Dude, just let him have the boom box". Nope, just watches him get beat down and leaves him lying in the sand. Come to think of it, I'm not sure I would want to be friends with someone who's first instinct is to attack a guy he doesn't know with a Kobra Kai jacket and a headband. Especially when that guy has been the bad guy in every movie from 1983-1986. It's time to talk about how much everybody should love Billy Zabka. I mean look at the resume - Johnny Lawrence, Greg Tolan, Chas from Back to School. Even the guy that played Teddy Beckerstead in One Crazy Summer wanted to be him.
- Next morning, Daniel borrows Goose's sunglasses in an attempt to hide the biggest black eye since Mitch "Blood" Green met up with Tyson on a street corner. Once again, some guys shouldn't pick fights.
- Daniel's second fight - soccer tryouts. He gets tripped and first instinct is to attack Bobby. Maybe he should cut down on the Red Bull.
- STRIKE FIRST, STRIKE HARD, NO MERCY SIR!!! Who wouldn't want their kid to be a Kobra Kai? Which brings us to ...
Top 5 Shouted Lines of the movie
5. I GOTTA TAKE KARATE, THAT'S IT!!!
4. DANIEL-SAN, YOU ALL WET BEHIND EAR!!! AHHHAHAHAHAH!!!
3. GET HIM A BODY BAG!!! HOOHOOHOOHOOHOO!!!
2. HERE, ON THE STREET, IN COMPETITION, A MAN CONFRONTS YOU HE IS THE ENEMY, AN ENEMY DESERVES NO MERCY WHAT IS THE PROBLEM MR.LAWRENCE?!?
1. Daniel LaRusso's gonna fight? DANIEL LaRUSSO'S GONNA FIGHT!!!
- Greatest Halloween costume ever. Seriously, I always wanted to get an old Chargers jersey, a shower costume, and have five guys in skeleton costumes chase me through the ped mall every 15 minutes or so. Performance art at its best.
- So while Johnny is in the can rolling a joint (reinforcing that he is the bad guy), Daniel grabs a conveniently placed hose and douses him with water. Seriously, what is this kid's problem? Does he know he hasn't sprouted leg hair yet? He's been beaten up multiple times and thrown down a hill, yet he still antagonizes Johnny and the boys every chance he gets. I'm starting to think that he deserves to get his ass kicked.
-Daniel-san and Miyagi come to the Kobra Kai dojo just in time to see Bobby beat the straight out of LaMar from Revenge of the Nerds. Don't you just love watching a movie from back in the day and recognizing obscure guys like LaMar in bit parts. Nothing gets me more excited. Which explains a lot about me.
-Now that the challenge is dropped, Daniel-san begins learning karate by doing household chores. My mom used that logic on me all the time after I saw the movie. Didn't work as well as it did for Daniel-san.
-Next up, after meeting the two whitest parents in the world, we come to the falling in love montage. Amazing, especially after they were driven to the date by Mama LaRusso in a pea green station wagon. Nothing impresses a rich girl like a car you have to push to start.
-I'm starting to get a little creeped out by the way Pat Morita keeps talking about Elizabeth Shue on the commentary. Really throwing off the old Asian perv vibe.
-So, after waxing a few cars, sanding a deck and a panload of painting, Daniel-san has had it. He's going home. Then Miyagi attempts to punch him in the face, but the Wax-On motion blocks it and everybody in the audience says "Oh NOW I get it - he was teaching him all along." Daniel-san just stands there with the befuddled, bewildered look on his face. (which is one of the two face he has, the other being the sly half-smile/smirk)
-Montage 2 - the training
-Skipping past the "relationship building" scenes and oh so subtle foreshadowing ("What is Mr. Miyagi doing on those stumps?") we get to the tournament.
-Kobra Kai corner Daniel-san in the lockerroom, and we get to see Dutch's time to shine. Nice Johnny could let him have this moment.
-Montage 3 - You're the best... AROOOOUND!!! Daniel-san winning, Bobby freaking out, Johnny kicking ass, LaMar getting beat, Sensei crossing his arms, the big fat Kobra Kai losing...
-Daniel-san vs. Tommy - tied 2-2, a punch to the sternum ends Tommy's night and he looks like he is going to cry. I would too if trained my butt off and lost to a 28-year old without pubes.
-Daniel-san vs. Dutch - immediately nails Daniel-san with a kick to the face. Then loses. They needed to give Dutch more credit here. It's Steve McQueen's kid for crap's sake.
-Johnny vs. Jackie Chan - Johnny routes the stunt coordinator, and we get to hear the first HOOHOOHOOHOOHOO!!! from Tommy.
-Daniel-san vs. Bobby- Sensei tells Bobby to take out Daniel-san. Why? As your teacher, would you not expect both Bobby and Johnny to waste that kid?
-Bobby is disqualified for "excessive and deliberate contact to the knee"
-Miyagi rubs his hands together and heals a torn ACL. Coach Ferentz could have really used this guy last fall.
-DANIEL LaRUSSO'S GONNA FIGHT!!!
-Daniel-san vs. Johnny - with the scored tied 2-2, Johnny punches Daniel-san square in the face but is not given a point. This is not explained. I think Zabka wanted one more shot before it was over.
-The Crane Kick - most memorable move ever. "When done right, no can defense". You gotta wonder what Johnny was thinking at the time. "Hmm, haven't seen this one before - maybe if I just run at him with my chin stuck out"
-Pandemonium. Daniel-san is going to Disneyland. All I wanted to do was meet a Japanese man that would teach me karate. Never happened.
posted by TonyWirt at Tuesday, February 08, 2005
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home