Why Carl Jr. Didn't Have Kids

I was back home over Christmas and I ran across an entire shelf of my old Hardy Boys: Casefiles books I loved as a lad.

As I looked over the 35 or so I had, I had to wonder – how the hell did those guys pull all that off in high school? When I was that age all I had time for was school and fantasizing about one day touching a boob.

But these guys are taking down drug kingpins, recovering the Dagger of Deutschland and starring on the football team. And I don’t think Frank and Joe ever had to worry about chicks. With their cred, thad to be SWIMMING in trim. In fact, I think Casefiles 43 may have been called The Vagina Monologue.

Although I am a little surprised that Callie Shaw stayed with Frank for so long. I mean she was kidnapped in every book. Might be time for Dad to step in and keep his daughter away from such a bad influence. Now we know why Superman keeps his identity secret. Well, that and all the calls he would get…

“Hey Supe, I gotta move this weekend…”
“Any chance you could take me to Paris on Friday?”
“Could you settle a bet we’ve got? I say she’s wearing a thong but Ennis swears she’s going commando.”

That would get old in a hurry.

But back to the Hardies. With all the people worried about things corrupting the minds and influencing the actions of the nations children, you’d think they’d be all over these books. Can you imagine some 18-year old kid trying to fight international terrorism?

Oh wait…

Then again, if Frank and Joe were around, I’d send those two sherlocks over to Afghanistan. They’d have bin Laden tied up before the weekend was over and still make it back for Mama Hardy’s birthday party.