Denny Green and Carrie

Cinderella was a nice story. Kid gets crapped on her whole life, finally gets a chance to go to the ball and meets the prince that will take her away from her misery.

Sounds good. In fact, I heard some cat on ESPN.com say that my behated Vikings could be the Cinderella team of the playoffs.

Please excuse me while I puke in my own mouth.

Obviously this man is not familiar with my Minnesota Vikings. Cinderella they are not.

If I was to compare the Vikes to a girl going to a dance, I’ma go with Carrie White.

You know - ugly but can look kinda cute if you don’t look close, emotional issues, problems with anger management, crazy-ass person in charge of her. But she gets invited to the dance anyway, mostly as a cruel joke to the people that care about her.

Everything always seems to be going fine until BLAMMO – covered in pig’s blood.

For the Vikes, it isn’t a bucket ‘o blood, but first and goal from the six, FINALLY getting a Super Bowl quality running back in Hershal Walker, Gary Anderson hooking a field goal, Randy Moss arguing with stadium security about getting his homies on the field before the game or the Arizona Cardinals throwing a last second TD.

What other group of fans puts up with this nonsense?

Being a Vikings fan is like being eternally trapped inside the mind of a Red Sox fan during the eighth inning of game four of the ALCS.

At least the Sox had a curse to blame it all on. I’d much rather think my organization was being punished by cosmic forces for a boneheaded deal in 1918 than know the truth - that the universe hates the Vikings and all its fans.

What makes it even harder is that they aren’t even loveable losers like the Cubs have been. I’ve had to emotionally deal with Jeff George as my starting QB, Cris Carter thanking Jesus for everything from the touchdown catch to those cheddar biscuits at Red Lobster, D’Wayne Rudd, Corey Fuller and Joey Browner cheap-shotting everyone in the league and Donald Ibwebekwe swallowing balloons full of heroin.

Christ, it’s harder to defend Randy Moss running a hitch and go than in a conversation with another NFL fan. Try it. You never thought you’d say the words, “He actually does a lot of charity work, but won’t let the press cover it”.

This is a team that benched its QB to allow SEAN SALISBURY to take the helm for the playoffs. Yet, we keep coming back like an abused wife.

“They just had some injury problems this year, next year will be better”
“They say they are going to really go after some free agents in the offseason”
“I just fell down the stairs”

And like a guy who enjoys getting his nuts stomped on by a German chick in a laytex outfit, I’ll be right back there this Sunday for the NFC Wildcard game, on stage for all to see. Reveling in my pain.

But I’ll have my eyes peeled for a rope dangling from the rafters.